While it seems expensive, you don’t really need a whole lot for the desired effect. You basically place a small amount of the freeze dried extract on your tongue and let it dissolve. There’s initially a slightly bitter, slight berry flavor that quickly goes away as it dissolves. After it dissolves your mouth converts sour flavors to sweet flavors for about an hour. The effect really is remarkable. A lime still tastes like a lime, but the sour component of it completely converts to being sweet. There’s just a small hint of the bitterness at the back of your tongue, but other than that you don’t pick up the acidic flavor at all.

The problem with the stuff is that I don’t know if I can classify the sensation as pleasant. It certainly is novel but all sour flavors get converted into a cloying, unnatural sweetness. There’s no way to confuse the sweetness for regular fructose or sucrose, it’s something altogether different, more akin to a saccharine sweetness. The flavor balance of everything you eat is also completely altered, obviously. Dill and sugar would not normally go together so eating a dill pickle with the sour sensations converted to sweet sensations is really not a good experience.

All that being said, I’d like to experiment with some more foods. I’d also like to see what could be done with this in the hands of a skilled chef. Since what you’re eating is still recognizable, there might be certain foods and preparations that could be made to work with miraculin to a pleasant end.

Altogether, it’s definitely worth trying it and I think I’m going to force some friends to try it over the next few days and see if they have the same opinions I do. I’m one of those people who can’t stand artificial sweeteners under normal circumstances so other people might have a more favorable opinion of the effect than myself.

The ingredients:

• Bacon: sadly, store bought sliced bacon since I’m not going to have time to get up to Trader Joes for a while. I compensated by making a bacon weave! 12 slices woven together to form a tapestry of awesome.
• 2 eggs: Was considering using 3, but I’m watching my cholesterol
• Batter Blaster: Too hilarious not to try and worth the special trip to Albertsons to grab a can. The ingredients list didn’t look too bad either, better than bisquick at any rate
• Real Syrup
• Butter: Plugra, goddamnit. And more butter. With a side of butter.
• Sharp cheddar
• Love

The results are freaking delicious. The cheddar was perfect with everything else. It has that salty sweet thing going for it, fantastic.

Procedural pics after the break:

I know this has pretty much no chance of passing, but damn.

Full text below the cut:

MISSISSIPPI LEGISLATURE

2008 Regular Session

To: Public Health and Human Services; Judiciary B

By: Representative Mayhall, Read, Shows
House Bill 282

AN ACT TO PROHIBIT CERTAIN FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS FROM SERVING FOOD TO ANY PERSON WHO IS OBESE, BASED ON CRITERIA PRESCRIBED BY THE STATE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH; TO DIRECT THE DEPARTMENT TO PREPARE WRITTEN MATERIALS THAT DESCRIBE AND EXPLAIN THE CRITERIA FOR DETERMINING WHETHER A PERSON IS OBESE AND TO PROVIDE THOSE MATERIALS TO THE FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS; TO DIRECT THE DEPARTMENT TO MONITOR THE FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS FOR COMPLIANCE WITH THE PROVISIONS OF THIS ACT; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:

SECTION 1. (1) The provisions of this section shall apply to any food establishment that is required to obtain a permit from the State Department of Health under Section 41-3-15(4)(f), that operates primarily in an enclosed facility and that has five (5) or more seats for customers.

(2) Any food establishment to which this section applies shall not be allowed to serve food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health after consultation with the Mississippi Council on Obesity Prevention and Management established under Section 41-101-1 or its successor. The State Department of Health shall prepare written materials that describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese, and shall provide those materials to all food establishments to which this section applies. A food establishment shall be entitled to rely on the criteria for obesity in those written materials when determining whether or not it is allowed to serve food to any person.

(3) The State Department of Health shall monitor the food establishments to which this section applies for compliance with the provisions of this section, and may revoke the permit of any food establishment that repeatedly violates the provisions of this section.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2008.

Monday:

Kiyo’s Sushi — My favorite sushi bar ever, the fish is always fresh, Kiyo and Sada are always great to be around and they know me pretty well. We didn’t even bother ordering since my friend is about as adventurous as I am so nothing was off limits. Sada just prepared whatever was fresh and fed us until we gave in. She had just flown in that night so it was a really laid back start to the week.

Tuesday:

St. Tropez Bistro — Since Montreal has a lot of amazing bistros I was almost scared to take her here for breakfast. I did, however want to see how one of my favorite breakfast places stacked up. I had the Croque Madam, she had the Croque Monsieur (the difference being that mine had a fried egg on top). I needn’t have worried, everything was enjoyed. I mean, it’s pretty hard to go wrong with bread, ham, bechamel, cheese and eggs. This meal also kept us full for the entire day so that we weren’t hungry again until dinner.

The Hotel Del — We took the ferry to Coronado for a big chunk of the day and we didn’t eat here, but did stop for drinks. The bar outside is usually never crowded and it’s great for sitting right by the beach and having some refreshments. The cocktails are really overpriced, and most of what you’re paying for is the ambiance so it’s worth splurging. This isn’t a place you come to get sloshed at anyway, so a couple of drinks while overlooking the ocean near sunset is perfect.

Red Pearl Kitchen — 7:00 hit and breakfast was finally wearing off so we made our way to the Red Pearl Kitchen. We both mostly did appetizers with one entree. We did my old standbys, the duck beggars purses, Thai chili-glazed calamari, and the miso glazed salmon and she ordered the spicy tuna eggplant appetizer and tofu curry. What’s great about The Red Pear Kitchen is that you’re guaranteed a fantastic meal. Each of the 5 or 6 times I’ve been here, no matter how busy or quiet the place is, they’ve never had an off night. The only mediocre dishes I’ve had there have been the fried rice (kinda soggy) and the lobster cream cheese spring rolls (the cream cheese filling melts and the lobster is undetectable).

Wednesday:

Cafe Chloe — I’m still trying to decide what I think of this restaurant since I’m not sure I’m one of the people who “gets it.” Everything I’ve had there has been well prepared with and tastes good, but there’s just something missing. At any rate I had the cured salmon gravlax crepe torte, which was served cold (unexpectedly) and my friend had the crepes lorraine. Hers looked (and supposedly tasted) great. I’ve never been a fan of cold dishes for the most part and something about the texture and overall sour flavor of my dish really didn’t do it for me. I’ll give them a couple more chances and play around with the menu a bit more before I make my final judgment. I’m almost positive there’s something I’m missing about the place.

The Prado — I really do like this restaurant. It’s a 5 minute walk from the zoo and a world apart. For one you’re pretty much guaranteed a respite from the screaming kids, for another the food and drinks are always great, better than what you’d get at the zoo at any rate. Seriously, get your hand stamped, come here for lunch and then head back to the zoo, it’s better than eating chili out of a bread bowl. A seat on the patio is a must because it it’s somewhat sheltered and overlooks a courtyard at Balboa Park. You can also see sections of the Japanese garden in the distance. I had the paella and my friend had the risotto. Both came in troughs. For a fine dining place the portions are huge but the food was excellent. My preferred drink here is the caipirinha. If you ever get one, make sure to ask for no sugar on the rim, because your hands will be sticky for the next 6 months.

Since we ended up eating around 3 and the portions were huge, we pretty much skipped dinner this night.

Thursday:

Breakfast was at one of the touristy Mexican restaurants downtown, it was almost wholly unremarkable.

Harney Sushi — This restaurant couldn’t be any more different than Kiyo’s. It’s an unholy union of a Japanese restaurant, night club and lounge. This place is always loud and packed with college students. For some strange reason I really like the ambiance here, even if it’s not usually my scene. Sushi purists won’t be impressed but if you’re OK with novelty specialty rolls, this is your restaurant. If you’re in the right mood, it’s a lot of fun. The tagline for the place is “Miso Harney”, enough said.

Friday:

Broadway Street Taco Company — This is one of my favorite street style Mexican food places. The food is always good, pretty cheap and the portions are huge. It all adds up to be amazing hangover food. I have to admit that a huge part of the reason for bringing my friend here was for the portion sizes. We have a running joke about Canadian versus American portions. She actually made a valiant effort and got through about 1/3 of her meal. Doubly funny was the vat of horchata she got (shown with a box of Pocky for scale). It was about a liter and a half in total.

Chive — I’d heard about this restaurant and wanted to try it. I wasn’t disappointed. Like most other trendy high end restaurants in San Diego this place has gone for a tapas menu which I think is great. I’ve always been indecisive when looking at a menu, so being able to order 3 or 4 things is right up my alley. Some of the menu items border on gimmicky (like the Kobe beef skewers that are served with a hot stone and oil so you can cook them yourself) but everything we had was excellent. My only quibble is that some of the food that was intended for sharing was really hard to share. There were a couple of menu items that just straight up fell apart when a fork hit them, the beet terrine being one. The lobster sliders completely disintegrated on the first bite and sprayed corn and lobster everywhere. This place gets bonus points for the American Psycho 80s ambiance, complete with bizarre menu items, and lawyers in suits shouting at a large table over in the corner. I got to hear all about vacations to Whistler and Blackcomb since sound bounces off all the reflective surfaces.

On our way back home, the owner of the bar downstairs lured us in since he just got some absinthe in. I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to take it as a shot, but I did.

Saturday:

I woke up and I couldn’t feel my face this morning so while I tried to remember the previous night and decide if I was really having a stroke or if that’s what an absinthe hangover feels like we sat around my apartment for a few hours and just went directly to brunch.

The Eggery — Another one of my favorite breakfast places in San Diego, they’re only open until 2. Just off the water in Pacific Beach you can get a quick bite here and head out to the boardwalk and wander around. The menu is massive and there’s not a bad item on it. Coffee and Mimosas are readily available. The portion sizes are also really decent for the price. There’s usually a bit of a wait, but we hit the place between rushes and had a quick meal.

Trattoria la Strada — One of the hundreds of Italian places in San Diego, this place is a pretty stereotypical Americanized Italian fine dining restaurant, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After a full day at PB, OB, Torrey Pines and La Jolla, we were ready to sit down and eat something pretty heavy, preferably incorporating lots of cream. Luckily the menu here is very pasta heavy. It worked really well for my friend’s last night here since we pretty much wanted a good solid meal without getting too experimental. The service here was excellent as always. My tortellini were perfectly al dente and the portions were just filling enough without stuffing my. The prosciutto, Gorgonzola, pear appetizer was also really good.

–

In retrospect maybe this should have been titled “A Downtown San Diego Food Tour”, but it’s good to know that there are some higher end restaurants here that serve pretty damned decent food. It’s my understanding that San Diego is just starting to emerge as a food town and with the number of new places opening it looks like it’ll remain that way. Now if I could just get some pho downtown I’d be perfectly happy.

1. Cheese: If you use Kraft singles, I hate you. If you have kids in the house, it’s only marginally acceptable and even then you should be teaching them to eat real cheese so when they get older they don’t piss me off when they panic at the site of a true cheddar. If you need to go the presliced route, Tillamook is fine.
2. Bread: If you use Wonderbread, I hate you. Use the bakery in your grocery store. There is one fundamental rule for bread: It. Should. Not. Last. 3. Weeks. Sitting. In. Open. Air. Real bread, good bread, should go stale in a day or so. If it doesn’t, it sucks. Real bread should be chewy. If it dissolves in your mouth or crumbles to nothing, it sucks. Also, real bread does not contain corn syrup. Europeans laugh at us because all of our bread does. Check the label.
3. Butter: If you use margarine, I hate you. It’s worse for you than real butter and it tastes like shit. Go get some real butter. Buy in bulk, it’s cheaper and you can freeze it.

On occasion I like to add a small amount of mustard (If you use French’s, I hate you) to mine, a very small amount, just a minute amount on one side of the sandwich.

Tonight’s sandwich was composed of the artisan french bread from Bread on Market, Plugra butter and some Lamb Chopper sheep’s milk cheese. And it was delicious. And filling. And chewy. And crispy. And everything a real sandwich and real food should be. Also, if you do actually get a good bread, for the love of Christ don’t compress it with your spatula. A) It probably will just spring right back and B) it’s already thick enough, let it do its thing. The only reason to do it with Wonder Bread is because it’s 90% air and you need to make it feel like something in your mouth, even if it’s just flat, soggy dough.

• Just because a table has two dimensions doesn’t mean it’s ok to put 4 chairs at it. This especially pisses me off in Japanese restaurants where you typically get a bunch of small dishes that fill up a standard two person table quickly. If it’s already a small table, get rid of any centerpieces or flowers. Damn it.
• My soup bowl is empty. I don’t care how quickly I ate it, or if the kitchen is backed up. Get rid of it. I don’t need to stare at an empty dish for 10 minutes. Make sure my drinks are full in the interim.
• No food other than ice cream should be served ice cold. This goes for salads, cold appetizers, anything. There’s a certain temperature that food needs to hit to actually taste like anything. My sashimi shouldn’t taste like it just came out of a deep freeze. If I have to wait 10 minutes for food to heat to a proper temperature, you’ve failed
• This especially goes for butter. It’s for spreading, not for carving.
• I’m done with my meal. All the dishes are gone. I can’t possibly be drinking anything because I don’t have a glass. Bring me my check. Bring it to me now. Just. bring. it. to. me.
• Know what you’re out of. If there’s a beer that you don’t have on tap, tell me about it when I order it, don’t check with the bartender. Know what soups you have, there will be a quiz.

For some reason I was expecting a consistency similar to a bloody mary. This stuff poured roughly the consistency of regular beer. It was also bright pink(!), and for some reason had a massive head that went away almost instantly.

I managed to choke exactly two mouthfuls down. The second one was only to confirm the initial impression I got. Remember when you were in high school or college and got far too drunk while eating that staple of college life, pizza? Remember regurgitating said pizza? Remember the acidity of the tomatoes as they came back up? The burn of the stomach acid as it hits your throat? Somehow this simulates it almost exactly. The Clamato is slightly spicy which simulates the tomato sauce. The remaining carbonation in the beer simulates the acidic bite of the stomach acid. Underneath it all is the taste of Budweiser. Yes, Budweiser has managed to create a drink that perfectly simulates the experience of puking up pizza at a frat party. What the fuck?

Turduckens, however, are allowed, and encouraged.